Type 1 diabetes can strain relationships. Katie Doyle talks to people with type 1 about how they keep things running smoothly with loved ones.

Include your partner

It was 17 years ago that Jolene McCue, a Wellington-based learning and development professional and independent marriage and civil union celebrant, was diagnosed with type 1.

“My family and friends did their best to support me, but I remember how frightening, complicated, and overwhelming it all was,” she recalls.

“I’ve found that managing healthy relationships with type 1 is a lot easier if you can be open and honest with your loved ones.”

Over time, Jolene has discovered how to communicate her need for support, especially with her partner, Teish.

“I’m a relatively private person,” says Jolene, “and don’t often like to ask for help. But I’ve learnt that, without taking care of myself, I’m not able to keep up with the other things I care deeply about: helping others, learning new skills, working hard to make a difference and build a better future, and looking out for my whānau and friends.”

Jolene’s advice to other people with diabetes is to recognise the impact diabetes has on both partners, take responsibility when appropriate, and include your partner in your day-to-day routine.

For partners of people with diabetes, she suggests paying attention to the ups and downs of daily life, becoming familiar with new diabetes technology and equipment, and staying aware of lifestyle changes and diet or exercise regimens.

“Living with diabetes is tough and takes real strength. I’m grateful every day to have a supportive partner, knowing that she’s contributed to my increased confidence living with diabetes. I’m less anxious about overnight hypos, more able to articulate what I need to take care of my diabetes, and I’ve developed the courage to speak up about the struggles of living with type 1.”

Be open

Twenty-year-old Lance Ruehorn was diagnosed with type 1 when he was six. As a teenager, he ended up in DKA five times. “I told myself, I need to focus on the control of my diabetes and ensure that this doesn’t affect my life.”

Lance’s parents divorced when he was 14, but both remained supportive and encouraged him to develop healthy habits and pursue his goals. Today, he’s passionate about playing and umpiring hockey, and he works as a Duty Manager for the Ōamaru Licensing Trust.

In 2018, he won Diabetes NZ’s John McLaren Youth Award for Academia, which he says has “boosted me up to try and do more for people in my region”.

After pushing through difficult times, Lance is now navigating type 1 management while dating his girlfriend Ellie.

He says, “It was hard for me to approach the situation of diabetes as this was my first really serious relationship. At times, it has tested our relationship, but now we both can work out the plan of action for the day and what could happen in regard to blood sugar trends. Ellie knows how to do a site change for my pump if I’m unable to do it myself, and she knows what to do if things go wrong.”

Accept help

Hairdresser and field archery champion Jill Gillette lives in Auckland with her partner Mike and her teenage daughter Jorja.

“My daughter has grown up seeing the best and the worst angles of the condition. She’s a bloodhound with hypos. If I have had a bad hypo, Jorja will push for glucose tests, and I get frustrated and feel picked on. But I know deep down that she is protecting me and wants me to be stable.”

Both Jorja and Mike have helped Jill through challenging hypos. She says, “Since the Libre sensor has arrived in our lives, things are a lot smoother. Mike bought me a Libre for my 45th birthday. We both figured out pretty quick how life-changing this would be for me: it’s enabled both Mike and Jorja to pick up the scanner.

“If something of note has happened, they do have a tendency to be overly concerned, but I just have to deal with it until they feel secure that I’m okay again.”

Acknowledge the journey

US-based Joe Solowiejczyk, R.N., M.S.W., C.D.E., has lived with type 1 for 59 years and is the author of A Type 1 Diabetes Guide to The Universe, an e-book that explores the psychological impacts of type 1 on families and offers strategies for coping after diabetes diagnoses.

He says, “Part of the burden for a lot of people is that they think they can’t acknowledge how hard it is.

“The key to getting out from underneath the weight, the exhaustion, the fear, the anger, the resentment – is the ability to acknowledge that this is a pain in the arse. You want to get to a place where you can balance that … It does take energy, focus, and time away from the rest of your life.”

Building a support system can help alleviate the relentlessness of type 1. Joe allows himself to have occasional “Diabetes Depression Days” dedicated to the negativity of life with type 1. He notifies his support system when he’s having one of these days and gets a lot from receiving sympathetic texts and calls from friends to lift him up and out of feeling sorry for himself. He says that the key is limiting his sulking to a finite period of time, then he gets back up and starts fresh.

Joe says that sensitivity to family dynamics is also important because diabetes doesn’t exist in a vacuum. His advice to clinicians and medical professionals who are dealing with newly diagnosed patients reflects this philosophy: “They need to help patients to feel safe falling apart, knowing that the falling apart is crucial to moving forward.”

If you have diabetes

Remember that your loved ones want to help, but sometimes their love might manifest as over-concern.
Be specific about how they can support you, keep communication channels open, and share your feelings about how things are going.
Cut yourself some slack when things are hard.

If you love someone with diabetes

Stay informed and empathetic. It’s easy to assume what they need from you, but your loved ones might feel differently. Be proactive and ask about how you can help.
Welcome open discussion from your loved one, and practice active listening: make yourself available for feedback, repeat what you’ve heard to confirm you understand, and demonstrate that you’re putting requests into practice.

For everyone

Find communication and selfcare methods that work for you.
Remember that you and your loved ones don’t have to have the same support crew. Sometimes, you just need to talk to someone who understands what it’s like for you.

This story was first shared in the Winter 2020 issue of Diabetes Wellness. Like this and have one of your own to share? Email editor@diabetes.org.nz.

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Life, Love, & Type 1